Think Wink.

1 Chronicles 16:27

Then I Guess I Am Pt. 1

It is amazing what will go through a person’s mind when s/he works for UPS. Imagine 5 hours of extremely repetitive motion consisting of sort four to six packages; look at the label that says what package car the package belongs and where on the car it goes; re-write the truck ID and shelf number on the packages. Then take packages out of the cage and place them on the correct trucks with the scanning label facing a certain direction that makes it easy for the driver to find while keeping what has just been written on the package facing the aisle of the truck for easy reference. Really repetitive but it allows for eight hours of work to be done in five. Seriously it does. But this becomes so routine that the mind can wonder to places. I have written up entire sermons/Sunday school lessons here. I have practiced Greek and Hebrew here. This past week I have planned out what I am going to get my soon-to-turn-ten year old sister for her birthday at the end of the year in December.

What is even more weird was that about a month ago, I thought through how I would propose to a girl that the Lord had led me to wed. Right now Jesus has not seen fit for me to even be in a courting relationship so I don’t know why I was thinking about this. Honestly, some days I’d like to skip the whole wedding and engagement and go straight to being a daddy. Lightsaber fights and comic books with the boys and/or tea parties and shopping with my little girls–I’d even play dolls or watch some rediculous TV that I don’t have to watch as a brother. I actually look forward to that some days. But last month it was how to propose. Not going to spill the beans on that because I wouldn’t want the archives to come back and bite me.

But what I loved most about the plan that I had was the role of the girl’s father in the proposal. He was pivotal in how I would propose. The symbolism is very powerful, and it is a shame that the Western culture today finds it folly. Essentially, without giving anything away, the father would give me to his daughter. I would be his last gift to his daughter (okay there might be the wedding but isn’t this just the start of a giving that culminates at the wedding?). Here is a man, in the father, who loves his daughter in a way that cannot be put into words. She is infinitely precious to him. And the best thing he could do for her is to find her a husband that loves her like he does. He wants to make sure that she is joined to someone who will protect her, support her, love her like Jesus loved his bride the church (Ephesians 5:25Open Link in New Window). This father would (hopefully) see that this young man loves his daughter like he does, like this father loves his own bride. I want my proposal to show that, to illustrate that. I want the father to tell his daughter that he is certain that this man that is asking for her hand does indeed love her. Daddy wants and expects only the best for his little girl.

In fact, this is how I would approach my own daughter (Lord willing). There wouldn’t be a day that goes by where she wouldn’t know that I love her. She would know and understand that she is my little treasure, my joy. I am her protector and defender. I know what is best for her and will see to it that she gets it, even if it might hurt. I will be a fun dad and also a dad that will break to heal and restore. My daughter will understand that. From the first day until I give her away, I will make sure that she knows this in her bones. That little girl will trust me because I will show that as her father I am trustworthy. Therefore I will not settle for her to just marry anyone. Nope. The man who “thinks” he wants to marry her better show me that he loves her like I do, like I love my wife. If he fails to do so, he cannot have her. I will not stand for it. He must be her protector, physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually. He must find his delight in her, not in the hopes of sex. He had also see my daughter as the beautiful woman that God has made her and that her mother (again Lord willing) and I will raise her to be. If not, that boy is–for that is what he is–is gone.

I will go so far to protect her that no punk freshman boy will be her first date. No sir. It will be this little angel’s father (me Lord willing) that will take her out on her first date. And she will know what it is like for a man/boy to treat her with respect on a date. She will know what it is like to have fun and be honored as a woman, the crown jewel of creation. She will have a high bar set for these “boys” to meet, a nice test that will be very difficult to pass. Failure will not be tolerated. I can’t wait.

This desire to take my future bride in a way that communicates that her father really does believe and is confident that I will love that woman with all of me, that I will protect her and honor her and be responsible for her before an almighty God, come from my Complementarian beliefs. Some might call this “patriarchy” and even out of touch with today’s norms in Western society. But with divorce rates sky high, single parent families all over the place, millions of babies murdered as a result of Roe v. Wade, I don’t think the current methods work. They only lead to broken homes and people left with major holes in their hearts from a child that isn’t there, from a spouse that isn’t there. I WILL NOT allow my daughter to fall victim to society’s self-destruction. I won’t stand for it. If I am “patriarchal” then I wear it like a badge. I wear it with pride. If I am patriarchal, then I guess I am and so be it.


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5 comments

5 Comments so far

  1. tom November 1st, 2008 7:33 pm

    You should use this as a pick up line: “Honestly…I’d like to skip the whole wedding and engagement and go straight to being a daddy.”

    That might get you a few dates…

  2. tom November 1st, 2008 7:35 pm

    Oh yeah, I heard came across some statistics the other day – Egalitarian families and Complimentarian families demonstrate the same level of happiness. Neither one is happier or more more prone to divorce than the other. Interesting, huh? I wish there were a side that was clearly more ‘happy’ or ’successful’, but oh well…I guess sociology can’t answer this question for us.

    Cheers.

  3. Hank November 3rd, 2008 11:13 am

    I am glad to see that Egal’s and Comp’s are showing an equal “happiness rating” (for lack of a better term). I think I was railing against contemporary dating models more than engaging in the comp vs egal debate. I really think that if father’s would take a more active role in their daughter’s choosing a mate to spend the rest of her life with so that he can make sure that there is someone there who loves her, not just wants to be married. People outside of Christianity would view that as “patriarchal” and old school and whatever term one can say to show that this is something done in the past. But seriously, what guy knows a young single woman better than her own father? If he is a godly father then there shouldn’t be another man who does…until she is given in marriage.

    Oh and bye they way, the line, “I want to skip marriage and go straight to being a daddy” didn’t work. I have already done that (sike!)

  4. jr. November 5th, 2008 8:58 am

    what is not patriarchal about your post is loving your (future) daughter (or little sister, for that matter).

    but why just your daughter? why not also your sons? why don’t you have the same rigorous dating standards for them?

    the way you’ve set up your case, women are less capable than men of navigating the waters of secular dating, and so they need a man to protect them.

    THAT is patriarch, and i think it’s false. I think everyone needs to be more careful, and I agree that contemporary society is far from ideal, but I don’t believe this is because we’ve fallen from patriarchy. I think it has a lot more to do with our (mis)understanding of sexuality and its role in our world.

  5. Hank November 5th, 2008 6:48 pm

    JR,

    I think this illustrates how wide the gap is between the Complementarian and Egalitarian. When I read the post I just don’t see where I have said that the girl/woman is less capable. Capability was not in my mind. Yet when you read it you see it.

    I’m not sure I understand exactly what you mean by “secular dating.” I assume you mean dating in the way that those outside the church mean. If true, then I really am saying that I would raise my children that this is not a good way to go about finding their spouses (spice? hehehe–bad joke I know).

    Thank you for pointing out the need to address how I would train my sons to approach this issue. Sons weren’t even in my mind because I am not going to marry a boy. Women and their fathers were what I was thinking about.

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